2008. One eventful year. Full of lasts and firsts.
January
The start of 2008 was just a continuation of the last, at first.
-Little Manila Crab Feed.
-Phone Banking to pass the bond that will renovate Edison.
-Winter Formal with James. Best LAST formal. Heh.
-Hanging out with James while he was on break.
-My first visit to Mike in Modesto.
-MANB practices; their first performance without mama. :P
-Jun's 18th birthday surprises. Haha. A blindfold and a "Click-it" Ticket.
-PYC the Good LIFE retreat. Kirk Nugents "Pursue Your Passion".
Fighting Ninja Raver Cops! Umtss Umtss Umtss Umtss!
February
like or love?
-AcaDec Competition: 5th Place Economics y'all!
-Fat Tuesday with the homies at Golden Corral!!!
-First & Last Kiwanis Crab Feed. (Little Manila's are better. They feed us.)
-Another visit to Mike's goin bowling with his friends.
-Finally a successful chill day and pics with Abi & Jem. The Best-ests.
-Shadow Day with MESA, first glimpse of college classes for engineering.
-S.A.D./Valentine's Day...enough said.
-Visit James...
-Julie's birthday party. Reunited with old YFC folks.
-First scholarship banquet. Awarded SWE Scholarship!
-Shirley's Debut. :) Start of something new. Confidence-ish from a new me.
  --First day I had a HUGE smile on my face that wouldn't go away in a long time.
-comments, texts, phone calls.
-MORP:Sadies in the 80's. Interestingly ironic but FUN. Me and Jun hella matched.
-Leanna's birthday party. Night with Jules. Hours of talking.
March
-A bit of known complicatedness attached but officially Jules's girlfriend 3.2.08.
  --[too many memories to say it all. ]
-"The Odyssey" Role: Athena, the Goddess of War. Jules's dirrrty goddess. LOL.
-Cal visit for math, science, and engineering. Eh.
-"Godspell" at WRHS with Jules.
-Eventful Spring Break: movies, chillin, CEE photoshoot, Camanche Lake.
-RIP to a wonderful English teacher, Ms. Lyons.
-San Diego and NYC. Grease on Broadway!
-College acceptances and the upsetting denial...
-Verge. Fun. 'Sex with clothes on.'
April
-Last MESA day.
-Last Dig-a-dance.
-SF State Preview; my first visit to my future campus.
-UOP PCN "Mano Po"; first&last. I think I did pretty awesome.
-Grace's birthday thing; huge group pictures, food at her house, me eating cake on a treadmill?
-"Battle of the Super Talents" Talent Show; I sang the national anthem with Holly. Omg.
  --I couldn't be Jules's date for his prom because of this among other things.
-LDT Scholarship Dinner. Cheesy Filipino dances.
-Cal PCN "Awaken Movement"; awesome trip. Aimee's first BART ride.
-ignored. worried.
-LAST set of senior-cut-days. So much standardized testing gosh.
-April 24. "You're too good for me."
-awkwardness. stupid automatic rebound.
-Asparagus Festival; first experience of extreme dehydration.
May
-continued reboundedflirtatiousnesstalking whatever ya wanna call it.
-AWKWARD prom shopping with Jules.
-"Hot 'N' Ready Crew"; pizza & truth or dare.
-Prom Queen nomination interviews; failure. Boo.
-Last Renaissance Rally; killed that collabo performance. awkwardness continues when i see him there.
-Unintentionally BAD visit to Mike.
-First & last NHS/CSF banquet.
-First blood donation.
-"Testing & Perfection"; Last school play with my first ever REAL role.
-First & last hula performance with Jem's group 'Hala Kahiki e kiu'
-First & last PROM. "Red Carpet [NO] Romance"; no need to relive details.
-Cheer Banquet. Senior Awards Night. MESA Banquet x2. KFC Banquet.
-LAST Carnival.
-VERGE 2. Unbelievably packed. Party at In N Out. Violent Events. Then escape to BOWLING for Jameela's birthday with crazy car rides. Haha. Gotta love Christian and Jeremy.
-Cap&Gown Pics with the girls.
-Last ASB Banquet. Senior Council Banquet.
-secret grad gift drop off.
-GRADUATION. Lunch @ BJ's. Emcee Battle @ Glannie's.
June
-SFSU orientation. I'm stuck with nerds...oh no.
-Victoria's Secret interview.
-First visit to EHS as an Alumni.
-My eighteenth birthday. My KICK-ASS Debut. [Totally made up for a sucky prom experience.]
-Grad Night! Sneaky alcohol. Fire Alarms. Chill beach time. Cool dinners. Awesome rides.
-Kidnapped trip to Rancho Seco.
-Manang's Graduation; Abi's Bday/Grad Party; Matt Vargas's Wedding; Jeremy G.'s Grad/Bday Party. ALL in one day. Angry drunken dancing?
-Kimmy's Debut. Micah's Debut. RJ Ricacho's Wedding. Mattbaby's Birthday.
July
-Near-death experience brought me back to Youth Group.
-Aimee's birthday surprise.
-Horrible July 4th; "Hancock"; alcohol; totally ignored; yelled at. `shakes memory away.
-Manang's Birthday & Graduation Party. Lumpia tray...all mine.
-The birth of the name Pahnteecakes. First trip to Suzie's.
-American Idol Concert with Manang Fionna and Abi.
-Gerrlyn's Kick-back. So faded. Drama-filled.
-Camille's birthday party. Kidnap trip to Walmart.
-mooovies: "Dark Knight" "Wall-e" "Wanted"
-First River Rafting trip with Youth Group. So much fun but I got so DARK.
August
-First Hazelton ACT Team Reunion at John's Incredible Pizza.
-Barrio: Fashion Show; AFO Scholarship; MANB Finale Performance.
-Melisa Banal's Debut.
-misinterpretation/miscommunication.
-"Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2"
-Laling's complicated birthday dinner plans.
-Last Youth Group. First & Last Youth Choir SOLO at mass.
-Last day REALLY living at h<3me. First day living away, here at TCS 1203.
-First day of college. First attempts at getting involved with programs.
-First visit back home to desperatly get to wish Rose a happy 17th birthday.
-Shelly's Kickback. San Jose trip.
September
-First encounter with the wonderful Kappa Psi Epsilon organization/sorority.
-First time being away on the Parentals' birthday. Mom's surgery.
-First Sorority RUSH event: SOMA tour of Filipino landmarks.
-Presidential Scholar Retreat: Ropes Course. Thrilling. :)
-First 18+ event: The Exact Change Tour; Filipino artists.
-Stacey's farewell party.
-Rushee interview; Bid Dinner.
-First visit from Manang.
-NEW baby in the fam! Baby Alex is born!
-Homecoming; missed it but Sanderson still made me clean...how rude.
-World of Dance with Mike. Family September Birthday Party.
October
-First use of the health center on campus.
-First ever dance audition; squeaks, headache, nerves.
-"The Romance of Magno Rubio"; 'OMG it's the prince from R&H's Cinderella!'
-last words.
-First High School Picnic as an alum; mama fishy; 1st & Spirit!; after party.
-Weezer Concert; Brendon played with the band!
-"Wake up the Campus!"
-PAHM Rally.
-First club event. It sucked. (See "nobody dances anymore")
-First college Friendship Games; cut-off roll call; attempt spirit; dehydration; 2nd in Games.
-Better club event. First time to actually dance with a boy. Heh.
-Rozcoe's!!! Omg, chicken and waffles are delicious.
-First dance classes in forever.
-first words in what seems like a long silent awkward and angry forever
-First slutty halloween costume that got no fun.
-First phase test.
November
-First Shadow Night as a volunteer. The only SFSU volunteer to be exact.
-I got my Big! Majal!
-Underrated; Poleng. Kamayan; BakitWhy.com Mixer.
-"Twilight" midnight showing.
-Baby Alex's christening; Jono's tahitian recital.
-Coffee&Movie with James; visit to Kiera, Joey, and their kiddo Mac.
 --tearful discussion.
-Photofun with family on Thanksgiving.
-accidental misleading...
-Ice Skating and "Bolt" with cousins.
December
-"The Tales of Beedle the Bard"
-GatorJeremy's Bday club event; "Lingerie Night" grrrosss.
-CITY DANCE SHOWCASE. First real performance on a real stage in a looong time.
-All-American Rejects concert with Aimee.
-First time at Fuze (a lgbt club event); DeLaFemme performed.
-First set of college finals and it fries my brain and deprives me of sleep.
-First visit from James. Everything better understood.
-First professional massage. Apparently I'm so tense they suggested twice a month.
-Christmas: white elephant; I stole the toilet paper. Haha.
-First time at hookah bar, though I didn't actually participate.
-Third NYC trip: "Equus" Daniel's penis; "Serendipity" 'tour'; below 19 fahrenheit for New Year's eve.
 --I ended 2008 on the freezing streets of Times Square watching a silly ball drop.
All throughout the year:
MANB practices, Debut planning/practices, all sorts of meetings and workathons, late night trips, as well as other things.

I realize I'm 3 weeks late on New Year's, but still I wanted to put this all together.
In light of Tuesday's historic event and a life changing Winter Conference last weekend, this is much more than a recap of 2008's events in my life. I've been thinking a lot. 2008 was, in retrospect, a pretty good year with its normal ups and downs. I've had my share of heartbreak but also my share of truly awesome memories. There are things I'd probably like to forget and things I wish I could remember better. What I've realized most is that during the course of 2008, since it was the end of high school and my consistent life in Stockton and the beginning of my adult life in college away from home, I've learned a lot about myself in the transition. Personality traits, habits, long hidden regrets, new pet peeves...just a lot and I'm continuing to learn as I look deeper within me. I realize there's things I need to change. As this entry is already way too long as it is, I won't go into too much detail but a couple things have triggered something inside me to want to change. I want to be better. I want to be stronger. I want to be more confident. Though change takes time, I'm determined now to change or the better for myself and for everyone around me.
So as President Obama takes his place in the White House to change the state of USA, I am on a search for a Felicia that I want to be. "Before any type of revolution occurs, there must be a revolution of self."

ok. i went clubbing for the FIRST time ever last night. i know. kinda lame since i've been 18 for almost 5 months. but yeah it was okk...

reasons for my not-so-great experience:
 1. i saw people from back in the 209. - like wtf? what are they doing here? haha.
 2. the people i went with got drunk and im doing a no-drinking thing this year. so that was rough. i wanted some sooo bad.
 3. i still don't know a lot of people that well so i wasn't that comfortable.
 4. i felt like i was the only girl wearing something decent like pants and a top that doesn't show my bra.
 5. finally...EVERYWHERE I LOOKED, PEOPLE WERE FREAKING.

hence my decision to blog. =]

don't get me wrong. i admit that it is fun sometimes. ;]

but really. do people not remember that there is MORE to dancing than freaking? seriously. girls, you don't need to be wearing clothes that reveal your stuff or hug every curve of your body. definitely, you do NOT need to be dancing like you're a stripper or a pole dancer waiting for the next penis to come up behind you. boys, do you really gotta make yourselves look like fools? freaking to EVERY song. forreal now?

i think it's sad. basically the scene is all the girls dancing like sluts in the middle, moving their asses, touching themselves and each other while the guys stand on the outside scoping out for their next victim. "whose ass do i want now?" then guys go up to girls and either get lucky and get grinded on til they're hard or totally embarrassed when they get rejection.

some of the best people turn into the ugliest once drunk and on the dance floor. it seems like all people really want is sex. most people were practically fucking with their clothes on. the girls get all dressed up to look their "best" with their stuff showing, hanging out. they wear the shortest shorts, the shortest dress that tends to ride up when dancing to reveal their panties. all this with the goal of getting on a guy tonight in mind.

there were many times last night when i caught myself dancing alone because people grabbed my friends and started to freak. cool at first. then it got annoying. but i didn't care that i was the ONLY one not freaking anyone at all. i was not going to go out there and grab a cute guy to grind up on. i went out to dance and have fun. freaking is NOT dance. so i danced by myself, only caring for how the music moved me.

the best part of dancing with my friends is when we're all dorks, do silly dance moves, and just play around. if you know me, you know i love dancing for the way it makes me feel. dancing, whether im practicing, performing, going hard at it, or being ridiculous, can make any bad day into the BEST day ever. show me a guy who'll ask to dance with me, REALLY DANCE with me, be a dork, do the cabbage patch, do the running man, do stupid body rolls, get hyphy, do the dance moves that come with certain songs, line dance =]. THAT guy, i wouldn't mind dancing with all night and by the end, maybe, i'd treat him to the "dancing" that everyone else puts first.

boys are seriously buggin me right now. there's the one i'll always have. the one that's always there. oh and now..

ugh one of my guy friends kept being mad at me saying "thats fucked up" and stuff bcuz i dont like him. hello? how many times do i have to apologize for feelings i can't control?! making me feel worse when i already feel bad that i hurt him. i dont wanna do anything with any guy right now just bcuz i kno he'll get butthurt. i dont like rubbing things in people's faces. i barely even talk to the guy im supposedly talking to at school bcuz of him.

oh and speaking of the guy im talking to. so effin confusing. he was such a butt when i was goin out with my last boyfriend and now that im single got right on taking advantage of the opportunity. i dont mind but the way he is ughh i dont kno. he makes it seem like he really likes me and we might give it a chance even tho its kinda weird for us to be together but then we want to take it slow right? definitely after being in with my last boyfriend it went by too fast. and i dont wanna mess anything up with him cuz if i do there are other ppl that i might not be able to be cool with. i dont even kno if i wanna try, he is such a flirt and has hella girls on him. i dont want to talk to someone who is talking to hella other girls. i cant tell if he's playin me. i cant trust him yet. i dont wanna walk into a relationship not knowing wat im walking into.

other than that i miss jules. i swear for the short time we were together it felt like a long time. it's like time runs faster for us. it ended so fast im still confused. i dont get how you end something thats doing just fine. we havent even argued or anything. i understand needing to focus on school. ive gotten that before. but his other reasons. iono. he was always so negative about himself which is sooo opposite to the cocky image other ppl have of him. i hope hes ok cuz we barely talk now. so much for just being friends. i dont even kno how he feels about us anymore. ehh. it wouldve been 2 months today...